Ok, I'll admit it here and now. I needed a kick in the pants.
Let me explain...
Over the past few months, I haven't had any specific physical goals, nor have I been following a routine. I let my schedule start swinging all over the place -- working out when I felt like it, eating clean-ish most of the time, but sometimes very much less so. As I explored yoga and my spiritual side, I turned away from the part of my soul that craves routine and above all else MUST have a purpose and goal. Increasingly I noticed myself feeling physically weaker, very very cloudy mentally and completely unmotivated to much of anything. For me, these are the beginning signs of depression. I'm at my core not a negative person, and when I start going this way it's a big red flag.
One of the struggles I've had this past year as I got my yoga teacher certification and worked on developing a strong self care practice, was how to balance focusing inward and knowing when to take a step back, with my preference toward intense workouts and motivation through tough love. How to balance what I "should" do, with what is truly best for me..personally.
I feel fortunate at this point in my life to have gained perspective on all this. I've been dialed into intense workout routines and nutrition protocols, but I've also experienced just letting it go and doing whatever I wanted in the moment. For me, I think the key is going to be to find a mix of the two.
I made the decision in December to stop teaching yoga. At the time, it felt scary, frustrating, and maybe even like a failure. However, deep down, I knew it wasn't flowing, and that I needed to regain time back in my schedule to focus on healing myself again. For weeks, I had been hearing the message everywhere, that when one encounters resistance, it's a sure sign that something is amiss and and will never result in happiness. I now know that this message was meant for me, and am so glad I listened.
Once I made the decision to stop teaching yoga, and pouring my energy into something that was no longer bringing me any kind of satisfaction, I started feeling things open up for me again. December was crazy of course with the holidays, but I was able to take a vacation with my family and be truly in it. I had time to think, and simplify my life rather than focusing so much on all the things that I should be doing.
That brings us to now. I started a new workout program via Beachbody on Demand (an online streaming workout app) a few days ago and it's like a spark has been lit. *Full disclosure - I have been an active Beachbody coach in the past, but currently am just enjoying being a consumer. If you have any questions, I'm happy to help answer them, but this post is NOT about selling or promotion of the company...it's about what is working for me right now.
I've had this happen before, in much the same way (the trainer for this program also pulled me out of a slump about 4 years ago with her original program) and this time I'm really taking note of what's going on. What I know now is that I must have a goal - a physical goal -- or I'm going to fall off track. This time it's our spring break vacation in April and getting back into a bathing suit. To me it's not vanity. I've gotten to the point again where I'm just not as confident or comfortable in my body as I want to be. By April, I want to be strong, confident and see changes in my body. I've taken the nutrition piece too far in the past, and this time will be following cues from my own body and all that I've learned in 4 years of daily education in wellness and health coaching. I don't believe in diets, but I do believe in balanced, whole and (mainly) plant based foods, so that's what I'll be doing!
So far, my body is really craving these daily intense workouts and the tests of my motivation and spirit. Easy? Certainly not. But for me, my spark seems to be lit when my back is up against the wall, and I need to give myself some tough love. The best part is that the discipline needed to keep up with this program is spilling into the rest of my life. Already in the past week I've tackled several tasks around the house that I've put off for months, I've finally gotten serious about scheduling my days, and I'm connecting more with my friends. It all flows together and is related.
Sometimes we just need a kick in the pants, and I think this new program is exactly what I needed. It's not going to be easy, and given that it's 80 days I know there will be ups and downs. However, I think that just may be the point!
PS: I've started a new Instagram feed and would love for you to check it out! It's called @secondactstory, and it's all about empowerment and inspiration for women. I've got a related newsletter in the works as well and MUCH more to come on that front. I'll be blogging here on topics related to Second Act Story and my own wellness!